For anyone curious on my situation here is the best I could do to summarise what is going on with me. I've divided it in sections, so if you get tired of my writing feel free to skip ahead.
Here is a summary of what is wrong now
Hi, I'm Heru, I live in Argentina with my mom. My parents are both VERY narcissistic (even though my mom plays more of an enabler part on this) and their attitudes through my upbringing have left me with severe depression. I have more than once contemplated suicide, but I have always sought help before making a move.
My situation right now is that my father (who is well off and has paid for my therapy and medicine so far) has cut ties with me. My mother doesn't have much money to support us both and my medical care. I would LOVE to get a job and get away, but I can't, because my depression makes any stable job into a reason to think about killing myself. It is incredibly stupid, and I hate it, but it is what it is.
Right now I concentrate on doing commissions and finishing university (I study Graphic design at the free University of Buenos Aires).
But heru, your parents don't sound that bad!
My father loves me, in all the wrong ways. He is the kind of father to give you money instead of a hug. He doesn't acknowledge my depression as a serious and real thing and only agreed to paying my therapy when a doctor told him about it. He has never supported me in any real way, and highly disapproves of my art career as I don't draw anything he deems good enough to be art. He has told me several times that I only draw "stupid things" and that I will never amount to anything. He criticises anything in my life that doesn't suit his liking such as waking up after 8 am (I usually work at night so you can guess this is a common thing), my liking on animals (he constantly points out how stupid I am for liking it) or me caring over my own pet dog, that I'm not into the average fashion choices, going out at night, or having a partner. I constantly had to fight him over the fact that he thought I was gay, and I constantly have to tell him to shut up because he likes to say homophobic/racial/misogynistic slurs out loud. He openly makes sexual comments about women who could be my age or less. And even though he has more money that he could ever need, he constantly whines at me on the money he gives me or spends on me (all while taking a flight somewhere with his new GF and going on vacations the very next day).
My mother, on the other hand, is more an enabler. She didn't stand up for me much while she was with my dad and more often than not shifts her blame on me. She has treated me like a house maid in the past, or yelled at me when I couldn't get out of bed. She even kicked me out of the house when I brought my dog home (a pet that is now more of a therapy pet than an ordinary dog). When both my parents were depressed I looked out for them both, to the point my friends tried to talk to me out of it. But this is something they both chose to forget.
Now, my parents sound like awful sacks of shit, but they are, in some way, also caring. My dad has been nice to me every now and then and shown some generosity that he would usually take back almost instantly. My mother has been...an actual mother since I came back from a trip earlier this year. She still finds ways to mess things up but she is not as half as bad as my dad is. Even then, I still wish I could get out of this house.
Recent events and why I ask for help
Last year my grandma (a lady who had stopped talking to me when I was 9 because I said something silly) decided to come in contact with me. Not long after we had lunch a couple of times she told me she wanted to give me an apartment to live in. It was the best news ever, because it meant I could get away from my toxic parents! The only catch was that my dad was leaving spare stuff in the apartment and I had to make him take everything out so I could move in. Something which my dad didn't do for 6 months...
Last week I received a call from her where she told me that she wouldn't give me the apartment unless I convinced my mother to make a move that would favor my dad in their divorce. I told her I couldn't and she proceeded to tell me how my mother was a thief. I asked her to please not use that word with my mom. She insisted a bit and then told me we could see each other on the weekend. Everything seemed fine till I had lunch with my dad today. It was very clear that she was upset, and so was him. After an eventful lunch he ended up yelling at me for defending my mother when I only wanted out of the mess. He then blocked me on whatsapp, and I am guessing I am out of his life, which leaves me with a ton of things to pay for that I can't afford: mostly therapy and meds.
I can't live on my own, that much is clear. Not only I can't pay for the whole expense of it, but I have been considering suicide. I am seeking help, and my therapist is aware of that. Some friends have offered me to live with them but I would mean leaving my dog behind and that is something I can't and won't do.
My plan so far is to get more work: I can work from home, where I can take a break whenever I need it. I have received a lot of help by people buying my commissions, donating or even spreading the word. Getting a good gig would be a plus, so I will be working on my portfolio in between commissions. I will also try to update my Redbubble store to have more interesting stuff in it, but sadly my Store Envy will have to close because shipping costs are higher than what I sell in it. I am also working for a small publisher and that gives me a small plus of money, but it is not a constant income.
I need to be able to lift my own weight at least in basic needs. This includes paying for my meds (starting at $50), therapy (about $150 a month), dog expenses ($50 on food and meds), cellphone ($35), school materials (starting at $50), and if I can help with some bills whilst being able to save some extra money. A total of $500 a month would be ideal, and if I were to move on my own I'd need about $800 at least. This is very far from the monthly $250 I usually make.
How you can help me
I want to point out nobody is forced or obliged to help me, but if you feel like it here are some ways:
Hey...I have some questions about your situation